Let’s talk about something uncomfortable from an article I just read:
A 2018 meta-analysis on sexting—the act of sending nude photos, videos or sexual mes- sages—published in JAMA Pediatrics found that 1 in 7 adolescents have sent sexts, 1 in 4 have received sexts and 1 in 8 have for- warded sexts without the consent of the person in the photo. Many teens now think that sharing these kinds of pictures has be- come a prerequisite for dating, with girls feeling pressured to send photos.
Just so we are clear: it’s illegal in many states for teens to have such photos on their phone, even if the exchange was consen- sual.
So what is a parent to do? Here is what the experts say (and I agree).
- Start the conversation early. If your kids are still very young, say 10 and under, you can start having conversations about what healthy relationships look like, what consent means and how to be a good digital citizen—without ever mentioning sexting. As they get older you can get into all the partic- ulars.
- Make it about someone else. If you hear about or see a news article about a mi- nor who has been charged with possession of these kinds of materials, use that as an op- portunity to raise the issue. In about half the states, teens who engage in sexting can be prosecuted and added to sex-offender registries.
- Do some role playing. Help your chil- dren imagine a scenario where they received a sext, or if someone pressured them to share one. You might want to do this before your child is put into a situation like that, es- pecially if it is a face to face encounter. You and your child can also brainstorm ways to say no. Deflecting the request with humor is one way experts say kids might feel more comfortable.
- Calm down. If you learn your child has been asking for or sharing nude photos, try to regain your composure before your talk. Your child will need guidance to sort all of this out and they do not need you freaking out.
- Designate a proxy. If you don’t have a great relationship with your teen or the con- versation doesn’t go well, you can suggest they talk about sexting with another adult with whom they feel comfortable. Maybe someone else can handle this situation in your
- Delete, delete, delete. If you discover that your children have inappropriate photos of themselves or of other minors on their phone, explain that the photos should be deleted immediately. Even selfies can be con- sidered possession of child porn in some states.
Having been an administrator in a school (yes, even a Catholic school) I have had to deal with situations like this. (It wasn’t fun.) Some young people don’t understand that this is serious and could have lifelong implications for them. (Cyberspace is incredibly unforgiving.)
It is always good, for a variety of reasons, to remind ourselves that our bodies are temples of the Spirit, to be treated with dignity and honor.