I still remember exactly where we were when my father had “the talk” with my brother Tom and myself: driving on Watson Road between River Des Peres and Mackenzie. Dad was driving, I was riding shotgun and Tom was in the back seat.
From out of nowhere my father stated emphatically: If either of you boys got a girl pregnant… (I shot a look at Tom as if to say: What did you do? He shot one back: Me? You’re the wild one!) My father continued: …I would not expect you to marry her, but I would expect you to take financial responsibility for the child.
And that was it. End of lecture. We drove home the rest of the way in silence. (At least, that’s how I re- member it.)
If you get one and only one “the talk” I don’t think you can get more succinct or spot on than my father’s ver- sion. He didn’t want us to make a rash decision that might totally alter our lives and possibly ruin the life of several others. Yet, he wanted us to know, in no un- certain terms, that our actions had consequences and a real man takes responsibility for those actions. He let us know that there would be repercussions from our romantic exploits and although we shouldn’t compound the problem, we would need to live up to our economic responsibility.
It worked. Neither of us had to deal with this issue. And I often think that if other fathers would have this exact same discussion with their sons, how much bet- ter our world would be.
My father was not perfect. In fact, he had many flaws and quirks. As I may have mentioned before in church, he was banished from practically every Catholic sports field in South County. (It was at my nephews’ games. I wasn’t much of an athlete.) He had a tem- per, but he was not abusive, either physically or ver- bally.
But besides teaching me how to be moral, he taught me much about life, about finances, about faith and most of all, how to be a good man. The way we knew he had died is that he didn’t show up for morning Mass as he always did. He was a veteran of World War II (Army Air Corps), serving proudly in the CBI (China, Burma, India) theatre of operations. (Survival tip: if you are lost in the jungle without any food, watch what the monkeys eat, and if the monkeys don’t eat, eat the monkeys. I never had to actually use this knowledge, thankfully.) When we built our Parish Center at Neier and I had plunged that little parish into $900,000 of debt, it was my father’s advice (no matter how much you are in debt, as long as you are trying, they will leave you alone) that echoed in my heart. I credit him for helping me get my finances in order. (Believe it or not, I used to be somewhat scatterbrained about it.)
And I credit him (and my mom, of course) with estab- lishing my faith. Our evening meal prayer rivaled a novena. We prayed for everyone, living and dead. He forced me to go to our block rosary on Monday eve- nings. (Hated it at 12, appreciate it deeply at 65.) His faith was lively, real, down-to-earth and authentic.
Today we remember our fathers. If your father is alive, thank him. If he has passed to the next life, thank Almighty God. If your relationship with your fa- ther was or is strained, pray for healing. If it is beyond that even that, pray for a peaceful heart. I am eternal- ly grateful for my dad’s influence in my life and in the life of my siblings. I can only hope to live up to his standards.
As a special treat for Father’s Day, here are some bad DAD JOKES. Enjoy.
“My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”
“Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”
“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!”
“What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
“What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel- less.”
“I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.”
“My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!”
“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
“When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?”
“If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
“Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock- knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
Fr. Kevin